I got married on a sunny September day in 1987. I was 20, and had been going out with my partner since I was 16. I loved him dearly and he loved me - we were the best of friends and had an open, comfortable relationship. I can honestly say I would not swap the first 8 years of our marriage for anything. Things started to change after the 8 year point though, triggered by my husband joining the police. It is a tough culture and it will find out if there are cracks in the foundation of your relationship. It did with us anyway. It is now obvious to me that the friendship that had been the solid foundation of our marriage was actually a big part of the problem. We lacked excitement and passion and our relationship became the backdrop to my husband’s intense police life. I became the last person he would want to spend time with at parties and our harmonious haven became a place of emotional outbursts and arguments.
It is funny how what you need comes to you, even when you don’t know that you need it. Late August 2003 I bought a couple of books to take on holiday. One of them was a book called ‘ Angel Inspiration’ by Diana Cooper. I liked the book, particularly the thought of having a Guardian Angel who was always with me, loving me and trying to help me. I didn’t think too much more about it all at that time though. The holiday was awful. My husband, by then of 16 years, was incredibly moody and unpredictable and there was one day he didn’t come out of our room at all. So I spent a lot of time on my own, reflecting on how the unhappy times were starting to out number the happy ones.
We came home and as Christmas drew ever closer things got steadily worse between us. Our different approaches increased the distance between us – I kept trying to talk about the fact that something was wrong, even though I didn’t know quite what it was. He hid more and more behind football and television, avoiding conversation. Strange things started to happen around his mobile phone – he would switch it off when he came home, and go upstairs to receive and send texts. One morning going to work I passed him sitting on the phone in a pub car park. He stayed out all night for his Christmas party. Whenever I tried to talk about what felt so wrong I was told I was being suspicious and did not trust him. And I doubted myself, wondered if I was a horrible person. I was most unhappy and lonely in our bed – when he was in it with me. His increasing disinterest caused me to feel the most alone and desolate of my entire life.
The Angels reach and support me
Just when I had reached the point when I was desperate for guidance, the angels found a way to let me know they were there and to reach me with their support. I was out shopping with my Mum and I was drawn to a display of angel cards. I bought them and took them home. I wanted to be sure in my heart that this was not a ‘for better or worse’ situation that I should work through despite being so unhappy, although I did not really expect to gain any answers from the cards. I was miserable enough to think that it may be time for something drastic, but despite everything I still loved my husband and was committed to my marriage and the vows we had taken. I was so confused.
When I first used those cards I chose the card that related to Archangel Michael, the Angel of Protection. The words on the card reached right into my heart in a way that was so wonderful and so hard to describe with mere words. I was feeling so alone and his card told me that despite feeling so alone, I never was – he was always with me and would protect me and help me make the life changing decisions I needed to make to fulfil my life’s purpose. I opened my heart to the possibility of this amazing angel actually being real and there for me, wanting to help me and look after me. I gained strength from the reading and went back to my ‘Angel Inspiration’ book. I talked to my Guardian angel before going to sleep, asking for help, and for strength.
After a New Year which left me feeling rejected and unimportant to my husband, I found the strength to take hold of the situation and I confronted my husband until he told me what was happening. I learned that he had developed feelings for a woman he worked with and that she had asked her husband to leave her and her two young children because of how she felt for my husband. I felt as though my world had fallen apart, everything I thought I could rely on had been taken from under me – but I also felt relieved. Relieved that I wasn’t a horrible, suspicious person and I had been right to question what had been happening. Relieved to go to bed and not feel as though there was a concrete wall keeping me static on the very edge of the bed. Relieved that I did not feel alone and helpless.
That was not the end of the pain or betrayal. After nights of tears and declarations of love, I took him back. But it didn’t take long for the distance or the silence to come back. The angels let me know they were with me through the next couple of months, leaving me feathers, helping me find just the right chapter of just the right book, and through the messages in the cards. My strength and positivity got me through - and the love and support of my friends and family. But the angels and the spiritual laws helped me to stay positive and to see things in a healthy way.
Lesson learnt
I am actually glad I took him back – when the time came for me to confront him a second time I knew that was the end and was better able to deal with it. The first thing I did was to confront it all – head on. I wrote it all down, every sorry detail – and took it to a solicitor and filed for divorce. That was in March 2004. The divorce came through in September 2004 and whilst I have had my moments of sadness at what has passed, I was grieving for something beautiful that had been lost over the years. I was not holding on to something I could not have. In fact I was able to accept and move on unbelievably quickly, without bitterness or anger. And the spiritual laws have been so supportive in helping me achieve this. You will have heard of their main themes before – I had read books previous to this experience by the Dalai Lama and on emotional intelligence which reflect similar teachings, beliefs, ideas. That our greatest difficulties are our greatest learning opportunities is one we would all admit – that we should thank the people that cause us the most difficulty for giving us those lessons is harder to stomach and act on. But I am grateful and would go through it all again to be as happy as I am now. I was given a support mechanism with which to analyse and consider myself – and came out of it accepting that it had happened – facing fully what it was – and why. I could see my part. I could see his part - I could see the bits I could not impact. And I found a way to believe in myself and to like myself.
I am sure that the angels helped ensure I did not suffer too much given the open and positive approach that I took. Little things came along just when I needed them to – both in terms of money and support. I received nudges that pushed me to live my life rather than exist numbly through it all. I made decisions that caused eyebrows to raise – I asked my younger brother and his partner and son to come and live with me. This brought me more love and support at home than I had felt in years – just when I needed it. I was encouraged to book a holiday with friends at a time when I had no idea if I could afford it – and 6 months later had the most unbelievably wild and wonderful time with an amazing man that I still hold dear in my heart today. All of this helped bring me and my heart fully back to life – but letting go of anger and bitterness and being able to be a friend to my ex-husband was the key to it all, I am sure.
I am not trying to convince anyone of anything with these words. I truly believe that reviewing and accepting myself, being open to positivity and not building barriers around my heart has helped me to be happy more quickly. The angels and spiritual laws helped me to scrub negativity from my heart, leaving me open to the love that was around me. That does not mean this is the answer for everyone – I try to keep an open mind, and that includes accepting that everyone has different needs and beliefs. But if finding a white feather helps you, like me, to feel less alone then great. If just one person finds that reading how this all helped me might be helpful for them then it is worth it and I am happy.
House of Angels
Archangel Michael was the inspiration behind House of Angels. He filled my dreams with ideas on what to do and how to go about it. I woke up with the name in my head – it was given to me with his blessing, I did not choose it. He inspired me to paint a picture of him on my bedroom wall (not the same one I keep the lists on!) I used this painting as my logo for House of Angels during our introductory year and he is one of the thumbnails on this site. Before I knew it, I had sorted out a business account, spoken to an accountant and had a range of products to sell. House of Angels was up and running almost despite me, I still had so much going on in the rest of my life.
House of Angels started out as handouts for people I knew and angel gifts bought for friends. I had a busy, full time job, but was pushed to make House of Angels more than this. I knew then that we were supposed to fill the gap between knowing nothing about angels and the more spiritually technical initial information available from most other sources. We extended our range of gifts, increased the range of information we gave out in free packs and started to do angel house parties. At this point I also started to do free angel readings as well as giving out information and selling our gifts, which were now specially wrapped. Our next step was to support the Mind, Body and Spirit events on Merseyside. This started with a charity event for the Tsunami victims – I only took my cards, no gifts. It was strange to charge for the readings, but I had a lovely, positive day and many of the people I met there have come back time and again to see us. My Mum came with me this day and enjoyed it so much she is now a permanent part of the team. It also paved the way to our attending the non-charitable events, selling our gifts and giving the readings for free.
I was pulled away from the demands of my daytime work and after a couple of stepping stones I now find myself in Devon, with a job that gives me more time out of work and with my Mum also here to be a part of this. All of this change has not been without pain. I have had some tough experiences, and have lost friendships and given up daily contact with people I care about. But I have learnt valuable lessons from this, and gained new friendships too, one in particular that is so very special to me. I am being pushed to do more with House of Angels and with myself. Both my new job and this website are driven by my response to that pushing!
Angel Gifts
Our gifts have also had a lovely impact. My guardian angel key rings have been used to let people know they are cared for, thought of and are not alone. I have had so many lovely stories passed back to me about how they have been received. I have been most touched by one family placing my key ring, with it’s little white feather inside the box, with their little boy who died of a brain tumour. They said it helped them to believe the angels were with him and he was not alone. They took out and read the little message, which states that your guardian angel is with you and loves you, to his little sister. When I thought to wrap her in this way, I never imagined she could be interpreted, supportive or perceived so beautifully.
At the end of it all …
Mine is a true story of something desperately sad becoming something strong and happy. I know I am not alone and that I am loved, valued and not judged - by something or someone very special – and that helps me get through the times when I am judged by others and viewed without love. It also makes me think twice about judging others myself – although I don’t mind admitting that I am human and let myself down sometimes in this respect. I value and love my life more than ever before. I am heading fast towards my 40s and have experienced more change and love and life in the last few years than in all of the rest put together. I have heard of more suffering and been turned to for support from so many – most of whom have been through so much more than I have had to experience myself. I am humbled by the fact that I have been able to help in some way. I have cried more tears – and I have laughed more and loved more and appreciated my life and those around me more. What can I say – the angels have helped me to find a way to be more truly me. And have helped me to see that I have got through this, that I am strong.
I still firmly believe that House of Angels is meant to provide a gentle, simple introduction to angels. So I am happy that whilst I am still learning and growing, I am not an expert or a spiritual master but am fit to do the job Archangel Michael has given me. It is important that I express myself in language and terms that are easy to understand even if the reader is not aware of spiritual terminology. Please let me know if I have got it right! A lot of my learning is about Michael lately. Visits to Castle S'Angelo in Rome and to St Michael's mount in Cornwall have been amazing.
Thank you
Books, feathers and messages are not the only support I have been given just when I needed it (and I have been left so many feathers!!!). At each stage of House of Angels’ development I have been given the level of friendship and support I need to get through. I could not have wrapped every item myself and could not do readings and sell gifts at angel parties/events at the same time. So many lovely people – Lyns, Claire, Mum, Kerry and Lorraine to name but a few – have helped me either by arranging parties, supporting me at events or hours and hours of wrapping! Thank you so much.
